Trying Times
by Carina1
Summary: Poor Kel....One day she recieves some horrible news about her family...what will come with it.....This is going to end up being KJ..but that's not the main focus. Hope you like it!
1. A Challenge

Well guys this is Trying Times and I hope you like it. It's going to be K/J and yes I know what happens in Squire...but what can I say I'm a K/J fan. Anywhoo I started this before Squire so that's why there are diffences and it doesn't exactly coeincide with the book. Also any chars you recognize belong to Tamora Pierce any others belong to me and if you want to use them ask me first. I'm also working on Aurora and Changing Fate....I hope you'll read those too. Oh yeah I love reviews...criticism, praise, suggestions, questions, flames (although I don't know what those are so if someone would please tell me I'd appreciate it) Well I'll smack my fingers to make them stop typing and let you read! Enjoy!!!!  
Kel gazed out the window yet again wondering when they were going to arrive. Neal saw this and thumped her on the head with his fingers. "I should think you a little bird that's going to fly out the window if you keep looking." Kel laughed and punched him playfully, "Oh Neal you know I'm excited, I haven't seen my family since last year at midwinter! They've been busy with the Yamani delegation and now the princess and my family is finally coming!" Neal laughed and hugged his friend, " I know, it's just strange to see you so happy and without your yamani face." Kel laughed again as she stood up and offered Neal a hand, "Hush! Or else you'll ruin my reputation. Come on, we need to get to Tkaas' room." She saw his blank face, "You know all the squires are supposed to be there.......there's that assembly......it's required," Kel threw up her arms exasperated at Neals' blank look. " Because a new immortal has been discovered and the king wants everyone to learn about it." "Ah yes. Now I remember! Shall we?" He offered his arm and Kel accepted it as they walked out of the library to Tkaas's room.  
The place was packed with squires as they entered the room. "Kel! Neal! Over here we saved you seats," Cleon called out to them. When they reached him Kel saw the whole study group was there. They laughed and joked awhile before Tkaa called for them to be seated. Kel tripped as she tried to sit down and was kept from falling when someone's arm steadied her. "Thank you very much. I don't know what is with me today," she started to say as she sat down in her seat. Only then was she able to look into the ice blue eyes of the person who had kept her from falling. "I..uh....Joren ," Kel found his eyes quite unnerving as she tried to regain her composure. He smirked at her obviously knowing how uncomfortable she was. "Thanks," was all Kel managed to get out. What is wrong with me, she thought, why am I acting like this? Quickly she put on her yamni face. "It's nice to see you Kel," Joren said, surprising her. Kel was trying to think of a way to respond when Tkaa came to her rescue and called for everyone's attention.   
"As you all know King Jonathan has petitioned that a new immortal be taught you. It is known as a Zexi, the plural form being Zex. The Zex have feathers like stormwings, the difference being that the feathers are of bronze and they are like a normal bird feather. They use telepathy to communicate and are as learned as dragons. Now for the problem," he looked at them all gravely, "The Zex have a jewel placed in the middle of their head that when removed, which is hard to accomplish, gives the owner of it complete control over that Zexi. Now while one Zexi might not pose a threat, if a jewel of the leader is removed all the clan is ordered to do the bidding of the leader. If the owner wishes to use them for harmful purposes this poses a great problem. Once the Zex are told to perform a job they carry it out until the goal is finished. They will even die in the process if necessary. Now...Yes, Cleon?"   
" Why don't we just shoot them down with arrows and magic? They sound kind of weak," Cleon remarked.  
"Yes Cleon that is an idea but a bad one," Tkaa responded, " the Zex have immortal magic, for one thing, which makes it very hard to combat them with mage magic. Now arrows can strike them down, but unless you strike them where the jewel is placed they will not die. Hitting them other places will only stun them. The Zex can also send down their feathers like arrows at the beings attacking them. While they are not sharp like stormwings' the quills produce a poison that is very hard to combat with healing powers. Does that answer your question Cleon?" Cleon nodded looking somewhat pale. Kel felt the same way. These were an even bigger threat than spidrens and stormwings it seemed. Just as Tkaa was about to discuss the living habits, Lord Raoul entered the room and spoke to Tkaa quietly for a moment. The squires started talking about the Zex. "Can you believe this?" Neal exclaimed. Roald answered, "It's amazing! This truly is the age to live in." Merric jumped in, "Wouldn't it be neat to see one? I mean to actually fight one?" Kel was about to respond when Tkaa tapped her on the shoulder. "Keladry of Mindelan, Lord Raoul wishes to speak to you in Lord Wyldon's office immediately." Kel nodded and stood up, puzzled because she hadn't done anything wrong. "Good luck with the stump Kel!" Merric called.  
Her knight master, Lord Raoul, met her in the hall and the two walked in silence until they reached Lord Wyldon's office and took the chairs offered. Kel kept her yamani face on desperately trying to figure out why she was here. Raoul cleared his throat and stood licking his lips before beginning the formal speech required, "Keladry of Mindelan I regret to inform you that your family and several of the yamani guards traveling with the delegation here have been slain by the immortals known as the Zex." Lord Wyndon took over. He would never admit it but he admired the young girl and did not take pleasure in the duty or the formalities presented towards him now. "Keladry of Mindelan I know this is a shock to you but matters must be discussed, " he paused but Kel did not say anything so he continued, " The Zex were after the royal family but managed to be stopped by your family, the guards, and the knights. The deaths include Tilaine and Anders of Mindelan, Baron Piers of Midelan, Baroness Ilane of Mindelan, Oranie of Mindelan, Iness of Mindelan, Adalia of Mindelan and Conal of Mindelan." He hesitated when Kel did not respond and looked at Raoul. "Kel it's all right to speak...." Raoul said softly.  
Kel sat there in shock. The only thing that over took her mind was numbness. They can't be! They can't be! I didn't even get to say good bye! she thought helplessly. The shock kept her from dropping her yamani face and she vaguely realized someone had just addressed her. "What about my nieces and nephews?" she asked softly.   
Lord Raoul sighed because he couldn't read her, "The carriages containing both the youngest royal children and your family were burned. There is no trace left of them. Keladry I'm very sor..." Kel interrupted keeping her voice indifferent, "What do I do now? Who handles household affairs? What about burial?" Raoul winced, this isn't healthy, he thought, she should be giving us some kind of reaction. Even crying I could handle. Lord Wyldon answered, his voice unnaturally soft, "For now those can wait. The yamani's do wish to know if any of your family would like an yamani burial," he watched her carefully.  
"Well my mother and father of course...." All the sudden it hit her. What was she doing planning her family's funeral?! I shouldn't have to do this. The thought sickened her and she stood abruptly. "You'll have to excuse me sirs," she couldn't even address them with the proper title as she bowed before rushing out of the room. Lord Raoul started to go after her but stopped when Lord Wyldon placed a hand on his arm, "Let her go," he said softly.  
Kel ran through the halls. They can't be dead! They can't! she thought desperately. Blindly she turned a corner and ran right into Cleon. Apparently the class had just gotten out. Cleon steadied Kel but didn't let go. "Kel what's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Kel tried to push away from him, as her friends gathered around. "Let me go," she whispered.   
"No Kel not until you tell me what's going on," he answered. And to prove his point he tightened his grip on her arms. "Cleon what's going on? Let her go," Neal said.  
Kel felt trapped, she knew he wasn't going to let her go. She buried her face in her hands and managed to mumble, "They're gone. All of them, gone!" before her knees gave out and she sank to the floor.  
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Kel vaguely remembered the events of the past hour. Her mind couldn't seem to stay focused long enough. Cleon and Neal had helped her back to her room after she clamed up and refused to say anymore. Then Raoul had come in and said something. She thought maybe he'd had something important to say but she wasn't sure since she hadn't really been paying attention. Kel picked up her glaive and began to do a rigorous pattern dance trying to clear her mind. With each step her heart and mind seemed to race together as one with a chant forming soundlessly. They're dead, they're dead, they're dead. Kel was so caught up in her pattern dance she didn't hear the knock and didn't notice when Neal stepped in. "Kel?" Neal asked softly. Kel dropped her glaive and turned to glare at him, "Mithros! Neal you startled me! What do you want?" she demanded. Neal blinked in surprise at her forwardness, "Er, well Raoul wanted to make sure you were almost ready for your meeting with the Yamanis." Kel smacked her forehead with her palm, "Drat, so that's what Raoul was talking about when he stopped by," she started to pace, "I'm so busy. I have all this homework and I have to make sure everyone remembers how to bow properly to the yamanis, oh and I have to get ready and in-between that make it to the mess hall to eat...." Kel broke off her rambling when she noticed Neal looking at her strangely. "What?" she asked. "Uh Kel are you sure you're all right? I mean Raoul told us what happened.." "He did what? He told you?" Kel demanded, then she abruptly changed paces, "Get out Neal. I'll be ready in a minute." "Kel I'm sorry if I said something to make you angr..." Neal started to say. "I said get out! Now unless you want to me to force you out I think it would be best for you to remove yourself from my room," Kel told him somewhat coldly. Neal did as he was told.  
Great, Kel thought as she picked up her glaive and polished it harshly, now they'll all be watching me. Looking to see if the lump will break. As these bitter thoughts continued to play through her mind she washed her face and pulled on a pale green kimono to which she belted her sword. She shoved her feet into some soft slippers and yanked a brush through her hair. As she stepped to the door she thought, well I won't give them the satisfaction. I won't give them anything, she thought determinedly. Almost as an afterthought Kel whispered, "Yama help me," before opening the door and stepping out to meet Neal.  
Kel entered the conference room her face as blank as a stone. She couldn't recall the reason for this meeting, although she was sure it was important. Seated at the head of the table next to the King was the Yamani emperor. She bowed to her king and then properly to the emperor and said a formal greeting in Yamani, "May the waving cat reign luck on you and may the day be long and useful." She waited nervously but let none of it show through to her face. 'I'll just die if I show anything,' she thought desperately. "Please have a seat Keladry," King Jon said, "we understand you have had quite a shock as to the news you received. As much as I hate to discuss matters with you now, they need to be talked about." Kel wanted to burst into hysterical laughter, hadn't she just heard those words earlier in Lord Wyldon's office. I hope the next person comes up with a better remark, she though bemused. "I have discussed Yamani burials and I'll see to it all the necessary preparations are made for your mother and father. The rest of your family is to have Tortallian burials as I understand it." He looked at her and Kel realized that he wanted her to respond. "Yes your majesty," with that she bowed before asking, "is that all your highness?" Jonathan sighed inwardly, 'I don't know what I expected, he thought, ' with the emperor in the room I suppose she would remember her Yamani custom of keeping emotions to herself'. "Keladry since you are knowledgeable in the way of the Yamanis, I was hoping that you would be the personal escort of the Princess Kamara of the Yamani Islands?" Kel was stunned, she didn't think she was special enough to have such an important job, and yet at the same time she was annoyed because there was no way to refuse the offer and she really didn't want to be bothered by showing a princess around. As it was she could hardly keep her emotions under control. But of course she replied, "Your Majesty I would be honored." At this she bowed to the King and to the Yamani emperor who acknowledged her with a slight tilt of his head. Then she left the room.   
Out in the hall she debated whether to go back to her room or not. She knew her friends were probably waiting for her but she didn't want to talk to them...or anyone for that matter. Kel sighed. She didn't want to be alone either. That would only lead to her thinking about her family and that was one place she didn't want to go. Could it have only been this morning that she was sitting with Neal excited about seeing her family? She pushed the thought away and jogged to the indoor practice courts. Only then did she realize she didn't have on breeches and couldn't tumble like she usually did. Instead she unsheathed her sword and started to go through various sword dances making each move faster and faster until her body took over making her mind numb. Suddenly she tripped and her sword went flying from her hand as she tumbled to the floor. Breathing hard she glared at the ceiling and let out a Yamani curse. Suddenly a head appeared above her, grinning, "Ah squire Kel as graceful as ever," the figure said. Kel swept his feet out from under him and stood up, "Akial Sranor just what are you doing here?" she cried. Akial was the son of the Yamani emperor's closest advisor. He grinned up at her with his dark almond shaped eyes and pearly white teeth as a lock of black hair fell into his face, "Just thought I'd take a break from advising the emperor and come seek out the most talked about person in Tortall's court." Kel's eyes widened as he stood up, "Advising the who? The emperor! But that means your father....Oh Akial I'm so sorry!" Akial looked at the ground, the Yamani stoniness taking over his face, "He died a year ago. Someone poisoned him. So naturally being his surviving heir I am now the emperor's closet advisor. Kel, I heard about you're family and I'm incredibly sorry. I didn't know they'd be traveling with the entourage." Kel came out of her thoughts and put on her Yamani face, "It's all right. Mithros!" she cried, "I'm going to be late for dinner and Lord Wyldon will have my head!" She quickly grabbed her sword, if she was lucky she might have time to scrub her face before heading to the mess to eat. Akial accompanied her to her rooms and kissed her as a friendly gesture on the cheek just as he had when they were children. He was the first in the group of children to accept her even though he was three years older. She had taught him how to show his emotions and he had taught her how to control them. Now that he was nineteen Kel was relieved to know that nothing had changed between them. "Well I hope to get a chance to see you again Kel." And with that he walked down the hall leaving Kel to rush into her room and scrub her face. Then she raced to the mess hall and made it just as the bell rang.   
When she stepped into the room everyone became quiet and when she scanned the room many of the eyes averted away from her. She got in line to receive her food conscious that eyes were boring holes into her back. When her tray was full she took it to her usual table and squeezed in-between Neal and Cleon. "I wish everyone would stop staring at me," she complained, "I'm not a freak." Her friends quickly averted their eyes. Lord Wyldon gave the blessing and asked Mithros and the Goddess to watch over the pages and squires in these times of need. He then asked Squire Keladry to report to him after she was done eating. At her table, her friends ate in an uncomfortable silence. Kel wanted to scream. She couldn't take her friends acting like this. "Why isn't anyone talking? I'm not going to cry if that's what you're afraid of," she said and looked at them. No one spoke. "Well fine if there's nothing to say I'm not going to sit here and make conversation with myself!" She got up and took her tray to the servants. She hadn't been hungry anyway.   
When she reached Lord Wyldon's table he gestured to a chair and she sat. He pushed his pretty much full tray aside and looked at her. "Keladry it is my understanding that you are to be an escort of Princess Kamara. You shall be excused from etiquette class and tilting. You shall also have lunch with her. I have also been informed on the Yamani customs of burial and while I don't agree with them I respect your decision. I also understand that in order to participate in the custom you will need to fast for three days. And on the third day you will spend the night in prayer before the ceremony the next day and the celebration following that night. Am I correct?" Kel nodded wondering what else he had to say. He didn't seem to be finished. "I noticed you finished eating pretty fast," Kel looked at him confused, "You are to go refill a tray and eat it all. I do not want you fasting for three days with out something in your stomach. Further more you shall not be allowed to participate in any physical activities and you are to give me your practice glaive and not to do morning exercises by yourself. If I hear of any such doing you will receive punishment work. Do I make myself clear?" he asked. "Yes sir," Kel responded annoyed at his demands. As she got up to go fill her tray yet a second time, assuming she'd just throw it away when everyone else did and not eat anything, Lord Wyldon said, "And be sure to come back after you fill it. I want to see for myself that you eat everything on that tray." Kel grumbled and did as she was told hardly able to keep the tears of frustration from her eyes.  
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The next morning Kel unwillingly bypassed her morning exercises and started complaining about it when she met up with Neal for breakfeast. "Kel," Neal gently said turning to face her, "why torture yourself? I know your family is gone but to go through with the Yamani customs when your not even in Yaman is ludicrous." Kel gaped at Neal and turned to face Cleon whom had just joined them, "Do you agree? Do you think that I'm insane for doing this?" Cleon blushed and looked at the ground, " I..er..well Kel I mean we'll all support you in whatever decision you make but...I have to agree with Neal on this. Three days without food, then to attend a ball after you scatter ashes seems a little barbaric." Kel kept the shock off her face. "Kel," Cleon said lightly, "We're your friends and we want you to talk to us. You can't keep this inside forever. It isn't right." She took a deep breath and kept her voice low barely able to contain the rage and hurt that threatened to enter into her voice, "If that is the way you feel then I'll wish you good day. I'm not expected to report to meals and I don't see the point in attending them if my friends are all hypocrites." She turned and stalked off to the library to at least read about knights who supported other customs.  
Later that morning Kel was in the stables grooming Peachblossom. She wasn't allowed to ride him but she still had to perform the necessary duties including grooming, saddling him up, leading him around in a couple circles, unsaddling him and grooming him once more. As the other squires passed by her stall Quinden leaned on the door looking at her with a sneer on his face, "I bet you just made up those customs, Lump. I always knew you were lazy." Kel stared at him, dumbfounded trying to think of a response. Suddenly Joren passed by and gave Quinden a shove towards the exit, "Come on don't mess with her. It's not worth your time." 'Well it wasn't quite an isult,' Kel thought as Joren walked by. Since everyone else was going to practice jousting and tilting, Kel left the stables and went to go greet Princess Kamara.  
  
Don't worry there are more chapters to come! I'm going to Scotland for a week so don't expect anymore chapters for any of my stories until after the first Friday in October. My email addy is Corie_Q@hotmail.com in case anyone wants it. Well have a spectacular week! Oh yeah there's a box below this...*nudge nudge* you might want to check it out...*hehe*  



	2. More News

Hey guys...sorry I've been side tracked with my other stories and I had to sort out all the details of where this fic is going. Just a couple notes. Anything you recognize belongs to Miss. Pierce. My amo= my friend in the story. Some of you asked questions about the fic in the reviews and I'm really tired right now so I'll answer them when I post my next chapter. Please Please review so I know if the story is worthwhile to continue. Enjoy!!!  
  
Showing Princess Kamara around actually lifted Kel's spirits. The fun loving girl she met as a child was still there. Dressed in a russet brown kimono, Keladry led Kamara around, and despite her Yamani upbringing the princess was very talkative and outgoing, even if it was when she was only around Kel. Kel answered all her questions about the Royal family and what Prince Roald was like. Kamara in return told Kel all about the friends she had left back in Yamani Islands. When they turned a corner they almost ran head on into Akial. Kel smiled a genuine smile and said cheerfully, "Well hello again, Akial." Akial bowed properly to Princess Kamara whom had her fan out to cover her face, then he kissed Kel on both cheeks and went on his way. Kel was surprised when her friend let out a hiss of distaste, "You shouldn't let that snake touch you, my amo." Kel looked at her friend in shock, "Kamara! Whatever do you mean?" The other girl calmly snapped her fan closed and kept her face blank. "As you probably know, my amo, Akial is my father's adviser. I'm sure he also told you that his father was poisoned," Kamara said evenly as she glanced sideways at Kel. "Yes I know that. Akial told me what happened," Kel replied, still confused as to where this conversation was leading. "What you don't know is that the events leading up to the murder do not sort out. You have also not seen how Akial has changed. He is very different from when we were young, Kel," Kamara said. As they reached Kamara's rooms, Kel stopped abruptly and turned to face her friend, "What are you implying Kamara?" The princess merely lifted a brow and opened her door, "Nothing, my amo. I was merely commenting on a mutual acquaintance we both have. Good day my amo. Don't be late to your next class." And as quickly as the wind Kamara had slipped through her door and closed it softly behind her.   
  
Kel walked to her class trying to sort out what Kamara had told her. 'She couldn't have been implying that Akial murdered his own father!' Kel thought, but oddly enough she knew Kamara never lied or mentioned things with out triple thinking them. She shook her head and decided to ponder it later as she stepped into her strategy and logistics class. Only then did she realize she hadn't put on her squire uniform and still wore her kimono. A couple of the squires chuckled and whispered comments when they saw her, and the knight teaching them that day raised a brow but thankfully didn't comment on it. "Keladry please join Quinden's group in the corner. You are planning mock attacks," was all he had to say. Her cheery mood that she'd had when she was with Kamara vanished when she saw whom else was in the group. Vinson sneered at her, Quinden glared at her and Garvey made a rude gesture at her. Only Owen welcomed her, "Mithros Kel you look jolly good. Don't let these idiots bother you," he told her making a dirty face at the others. Only then did she notice Joren in the shadows as he stepped forward, "Come on you fool heads, lets hurry up and get this done," he said discouraging anymore arguments.   
  
Ten minutes later Kel was exasperated. Garvey, Vinson, and Quinden wouldn't accept her suggestions andOwen was yaking her ear off. "Jesslaw, perhaps you should let Kel get a word in edgewise," a cool voice advised Owen. Kel couldn't help it. She scowled at Joren, "Don't tell him what to do. If he wants to bend my ear he can," she told him. "Kel, am I really annoying you?" Owen asked with a furrowed brow. Kel sighed inwardly, trying to think up a kind response to give him with out hurting his feelings. Luckily she was saved when Raoul came up behind her and asked, "Kel. I need to speak with you. It's about Mindelan." Kel nodded and excused herself from the group as she gratefully followed him out the door and into his rooms, sitting in the chair he offered. "Kel," Raoul said softly as he studied her, "How are you doing? I've been concerned about you. Are you sure you want to go through with this Yamani ritual?" Kel was tired of people asking her that but she kept her face smooth, reminding herself that she was stone trying to let all her problems roll off like water. "Yes, I'm going to go through with it. Now m'lord what is wrong with Mindelan.?" She asked. Raoul sighed, "I want you to know I'll assist in whatever way possible." Drawing in a deep breath he said, "I hate to tell you this Kel, but Mindelan's recent flooding has ruined the crops. There's no food and the people there are speaking of rebellion since their fate is so uncertain with your...the family gone. Naturally the barony goes to you since the will states the next of kin shall inherit..." Kel interrupted, "What can we do to get food to them? Is it possible to find out how much money is left? My first priority is to the people of Mindelan. If they want to rebel, I shall worry about that later, but I want no child to go hungry or have a family member die." "But Kel," Raoul protested, "If there is a rebellion there could be nothing left of Mindelan." Kel shook her head, "Raoul," she said quietly, "as far as I'm concerned I don't feel there is much of Mindelan left with out my family there. Could you please find the answers to my questions?" Raoul nodded and she quietly excused herself and returned to her classes.  
  
So what did you guys think? Any suggestions? And if anyone knows how to get ittalics and bold print please tell me. Have a wonderful week and talk to the box below!  



	3. Ceremonies and Customs

The next two days thankfully were uneventful. Kel, unable to participate in strenuous practice, dove into books about fighting techniques. Her days were also busily spent helping grade papers for Sir Myles, figuring statistics and amounts of supplies for Raoul, showing Kamara around and occasionally talking to Akial. Kel frowned when she thought about Akial. With Kamara's warning in her mind she could not quite keep herself from studying Akial, trying to look for any discrepancies in his character. She didn't find any. Another thing she did was bond with her friends again. She'd forgiven them for what they said and decided to give them a second chance. Of course since she didn't tell them this out loud they didn't hold their tongues when she joined them for a evening meal.

Neal waved a hand as she sat down and spoke with his mouth full, "So you've finally decided to eat like a sensible person." 

Kel scowled at him, "No I did not. I came to converse with my narrow minded friends," she half snapped at them. She regretted this when Neal's face fell. She didn't mean to be irritable she was just tired of feeling like she was fighting an uphill battle in sleet and snow to complete a simple custom. _It would be easier if my friends supported me,_ she thought. Over the course of the two days her friends had come up and asked her why she was doing it. Owen had been intrigued by it, Roald just wanted to know more about it, but mainly everyone else had tried to talk her out of it, for her own good of course. 

Without warning her stomach growled and Cleon grinned, "See Kel your body agrees with us. It's telling you to eat," he said waving a nice gooey pastry in front of her face.

Kel had to admit she was hungry after only being allowed to drink water. But then she strengthened her resolve, ashamed that it had crumbled slightly, "No thank you Cleon I'll have to pass." 

"Ah come on Kel. No one's going to tell if you just take a little bite," he goaded. 

"He's right Kel, it isn't jolly to keep your stomach hungry," Owen piped up. 

Merric gave her a worried look, "At least tell us what you're thinking. We haven't heard you utter a word about your family and I'm sure you must be sorely missing them." 

Seaver wacked him upside the head, " You dolt! If she doesn't want to talk about it leave her alone. My father was killed by spidrens and while I didn't act like it was no big deal, it's not like I wanted to chat about it casually," he told Merric.

If Kel had had the energy she would have shouted at them. But she used all her energy to keep her Yamani mask on and stood up, "Excuse me but I must get ready for the ceremony," she said calmly and evenly as she left and went to her room to change. 

A bell tone later Akial came to get her. All people going through with the Yamani burial custom were supposed to be led by a relative or a person of religious affiliation to the prayer. Since she didn't have the latter and the only person from Yaman she knew that was a religious figurehead was Akial, he was her escort. Being the emperor's adviser he was also the leader of prayers to the emperor's family and keeper of the family's tomb. 

She donned a white kimono accented with an outer, shorter, kimono in pale crème. Her slippers were beaded with ivory beads and mother of pearl silk. This was the customary dress for females in prayer participating in the custom. The white colors symbolized the connecting with the god Yama and the transition of the person's spirits on their journey to the spirit world. There were a great number of Tortallian guards posted along the hall towards the chapel where the Chamber of Ordeal was held. Kel entered her hand on Akials arm as he guided her down the aisle towards the front of the room. 

Already there, a few of the Yamani guards whom had lived through the attack had kneeled and started to pray. They would pray for their comrades who had died because the families were not there. She glanced at a door off the side used for religious confessionals and noticed two Tortallian guards posted on either side of it. Kel knew that was where the oldest royal children of the emperor, including Kamara would be praying and also that the emperor was probably in there as well. She also noticed a great number of people had filled the pews. Some were there to offer up prayers to the ones lost, but most were there to see this strange, barbaric as some called it, ritual. Already there were muted whispers.

Kel kept her face as stone noting her friends sat in back. Raoul and Lord Wyldon had come as had Hakuin Seastone and Eda Bell. She barely paid any of them a glance. Although she did receive a slight shock when she saw Joren sitting near the front. He raised a brow when their eyes met and she allowed a small puzzled look to slip through her mask when she saw that his eyes held no sympathy, which she couldn't stand, nor hint of mockery for what she was doing. He lifted his shoulders as if to say he was just observing. Before she could contemplate his gesture she had reached the front of the room. Akial guided her to kneel on the floor and took a spot beside her. He was to pray also.

After kneeling Kel forgot about everyone else in the room. She turned her thoughts to prayer and tried to keep her mind focused on guiding her mother and father to the spirit world. She tried to ask Yendari, the god whose chariot claimed the spirits and took them to the after life, to guide her family. But Kel felt numb. She couldn't do it. She knew she was being selfish but she wanted her mother and father back. To be hugged by her mother, enclosed by the strong spirit that supported whatever her daughter wanted and didn't care what the other nobles thought. To listen to her father's soothing voice as he read from a book. She wanted to be able to rough house with her nieces and nephews and to listen to Ander's and Iness' stories about being a knight. She wouldn't even mind trying to hold a conversation with Conal whom she hadn't talked to in ages. 

Kel felt a flash of anger at the world and tried to squelch it to no avail. She wanted to curse the gods but even in this state knew that was a bad idea so she screamed in her head angrily at the world. '_Why did you take them all from me! Why! I'm all alone! There's_ _no one left_!' 

Quickly she scolded herself for thinking such thoughts. The result of burying her rage and keeping her despair at bay left her shaking. Feeling ashamed that she had let that weakness show she quickly cleared her mind of all thoughts and imagined herself by a cool pond watching the ripples. She imagined herself building a stone wall around her feelings and froze her tears like the ice caps she had seen on top of the mountains in Yaman. Finally after eternity she felt herself regain control and she was able to pray. "_Please great Yama forgive my thoughts for they are not pure and please send the swift Yendari to collect my mother and father's spirits to guide them to your great realm"_ was the only prayer she could manage. 

Right after she prayed those words one of the Yamani attendants tapped her on the shoulder. Kel noticed the sunlight was creeping through the windows and splaying across the floor. Her knees ached but she allowed the Yamani attendant to lead her back to her room.

Once there Kel donned a new kimono; one of a brown color with an over kimono of a pale white. She then added two sash skirts, which formed layers. These four layers, brown, white, orange, and blue, represented the four elements, which the bodies would connect with again as the ashes were spread into the wind. They were, Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. 

Again the attendant knocked on her door and accompanied Kel to the top of the palace wall. There she met with the guards, the Emperor and his family and Akial. All wore the colors Kel did. Kel ignored the casual onlookers and accepted the ceramic jar, which held the remains of her mother and father. Keladry forced herself to listen to the Kendari, the religious leader from the temple of Yama whom had accompanied the emperor and his family on the trip. 

As the final words, "May the wind become stronger, may the fire burn brightly, may the earth become richer and may the water run deeper, so shall Yama accept the spirits into Yenden," were uttered, everyone slid the corks out of their jar and spread some ashes into the wind, knowing some would fall to the earth.

Kel fought to keep her hands from shaking as she performed this ritual. She forced herself not to look at the ground and instead scanned the horizon to search for a sign of peace, hoping her prayer had been enough to guide her parents to Yenden, the Yamani name for the realm of the spirits in the after life. The rest of the ashes where divided equally between a bowl of water and into a burning fire. Then as a sign of respect the Emperor put the fire out with the water and took the tray of ashes from the fire and spread it into the wind. Then everyone, including Kel bowed to the Emperor and silently left the wall of the palace. 


	4. More Ceremonies, Customs, and Memories

Kel tried to avoid everyone as she walked back to her room to change clothes for the Tortallian burial of her family. Kel cringed inwardly when Raoul caught up with her. 

"Kel," he said softly, "they are in a better place. You're prayers will guide them don't worry." 

Kel just nodded and continued on. _'Oh, well if my prayers sent them to the afterlife they_ _should be just fine_,' she thought bitterly, remembering her measly excuse for a prayer. 

Raoul had continued the conversation with out her and she vaguely realized he was talking about getting her some food. 

She stopped and looked at him, "Sir, I don't have time to eat right now. I need to change my clothes and prepare for the funeral for the rest of my family," she told him. 

Raoul covered his surprise and started to protest but she cut him off with the first thing that popped into her head, "How is Mindelan, Sir?" 

Raoul looked shocked a second time but decided to answer her question lest she stop talking to him altogether, "I don't want to have to tell you this but I must. Kel, there is hardly any money left. I've managed to scrape together enough to send a couple shipments of grain to the barony, but I fear it won't be enough to keep the people from rebelling in the future," he told her, "Now Kel, I'd be willing to donate some of my own funds to help you-" 

"No," Kel said, interrupting him, "I won't take your charity. I would never be able to pay you back. I'll just sell some of Mindelan." Her stomach churned at the thought but she wouldn't accept his help. She was on her own now and that's the way it had to be.

"Excuse me sir but I must be on my way," she told him and started towards her room.

Quickly Kel changed her clothes and rushed out of her room only to realize she had plenty of time until the rest of her family's funeral. Sighing she walked to a window in some obscure part of the palace where hardly anyone walked. She pounded her fist on the stone in frustration. '_Why can't I get myself under control_?,' she asked herself, '_You _don't see any of the other Yamani's acting this way,' a little voice inside her berated _'You'll never fit in. You aren't Totallian and you aren't Yamani_. _Good thing you hav_e _no one now. You would shame them all by the way you are acting._' 

The reasonable part of Kel knew this wasn't true but that part had left her four days ago when she'd been informed of her family's death. Kel finally came out of her stupor and realized someone was standing beside her. It was Joren. She glanced at him and he glanced at her but neither said anything. Briefly her mind left her present thoughts and began to wonder why he was there. The last time he'd turned up like this he'd called her a cow, well maybe not in those exact words, but he'd said she needed to lose weight.

Kel turned her gaze once again to the window not really see anything. She just couldn't look into those blue eyes, which held so much depth in them. She was afraid she would drown in them if she looked at them for much longer. 

They stayed that way for a few moments before Joren spoke in a quiet voice, "Have you ever heard the story of Sir. Trenton?" he asked. 

Kel once again stunned, barely managed to keep her Yamani face on and she was so surprised by his question she answered dumbly, "No," with out bothering to ask why he wanted to know. 

Joren didn't give her a chance to speak and began to tell the story of Sir. Trenton who supposedly sailed around the world and saw many odd things and wonders. The tale included the fabled flying cities of Jenhra and the amazing fire ring of Hawicki. 

Kel listened, fascinated as she watched Joren tell it. He spoke as arrogant as ever, assuming the bored air of a noble, but there was just a boyish hint of childlike quality nestled in his eyes.

She became drawn to the story and in the end, Sir. Trenton, after coming back to the kingdom and realizing the people only wanted the riches of what he had seen and not the valuable information he could give them, sailed off and became a legend and a myth still told to children right before bedtime today. 

Kel herself remembered her mother telling her about some of those mythical places. Oddly enough when she remembered her mother's soothing voice reciting these stories, there was not a feeling of pain but one of warmth as she remembered the cherished memory. She gave him a puzzled look, not certain what to make of this new Joren, or of what he was trying to tell her.

Joren returned his gaze out the window, "Isn't it interesting how no one may ever remember what a face looked like or what chores they did or didn't do? In the end it all comes down to how people remember you and if they recall the memory with bitterness or happiness," he paused a moment and bored his ice blue eyes into her hazel ones as if to imprint what he was about to say into her mind.

"How will you remember, Kel?" he asked her not expecting a response. She was so startled that she broke eye contact and turned towards the window once again. After a moment and she turned to speak and realized he had left. Suddenly the bell rang and she left to attend the funeral in the courtyard. But this time her heart was not so heavy and her steps more confident as she made her way to the burial.

During the service Kel was able to keep from losing control of herself as she remembered her family in a new light. Her mother and father had truly changed Tortall negotiating the marriage and her brothers had been fine knights and she knew they had loved her, even with all her faults. 

As the service drew to a close she was the last to leave. Lingering around the newly covered plots she tried to find the words to pray, but none would come to her. Turning to leave she ran head on into Cleon. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her. 

Kel frowned, "What? What's wrong?" she asked him with apprehension. 

"Kel," he began, taking a hand away to run through his mass of red hair, "I've been assigned a new knight master. I knew it would happen with Iness being gone and everything but I didn't think it would be this soon," he looked at her expectantly. 

Kel shook her head remaining calm, "Why are you telling me this. I knew this would happen." 

Cleon coughed distractedly and tried to put his gaze else where besides her, "I….well…Kel…Sir. Kent needs to leave tonight and go to aid the knights fighting the Scanrans near the border, which means I go too. And I…I'm going to miss you," he said finally and took a step closer to her, his eyes looking into hers. 

Suddenly she realized what he wanted. He wanted to kiss her. She panicked. She didn't want to be kissed or held or hugged or anything right now. She just wanted her distance. 

Hastily she took a step back and stammered, "I…I need to go..go..prepare for the celebration tonight. I suppose this is good bye," she told him. 

Cleon took another step towards her, concern flashing in his eyes and before he could touch her, Kel turned abruptly and walked briskly back to the palace telling herself that she wasn't fleeing him at all.


	5. A Duel to the Death?

Kel sighed sitting in a corner as far away from everyone as she could. The celebration had started long ago and she was beginning to grow weary. This was to be a time of happiness for the Yamanis, whom celebrated the bodies returning to the elements and the souls returning to the spirit world. Normally the event would be a sad one for Tortallians, but the King had said this should be treated as a normal banquet as dictated to him by the Emperor. 

Kel had watched as lords and ladies were announced. She'd also watched her friends serve her and the other Yamanis whom had participated in the ceremony. She'd just wanted to go back to her room and sleep, but she had known she had to be present at the banquet, especially since she was to be seated at the Emperor's table. Now a few hours later she was trying to be inconspicuous as her eyes followed the movements of the dancers on the floor. Kel brushed some lint off her squire outfit. It wasn't even Sir. Raoul's colors. It was Mindelan's colors. She'd been required to wear her family's colors to the celebration. 

Kel stood slowly so as not to draw attention to herself and slipped behind a tapestry to a servants' door and found herself in the main hall. She allowed herself a sigh of relief as she felt some of the tension slip from her shoulders. She was sure Raoul wouldn't mind if she left the celebration, he hated all the fuss and frippery just as much as she did. 

She turned a corner and ran straight into someone.

"Oh How disgraceful!" a high pitched voice cried out. 

Kel looked down at the girl who couldn't have been more than thirteen. '_Great_,' she thought, ' _a noble snot_.' She put on a pleasant smile and reached down to pick up the scarf the girl had dropped, "My humblest apologies m'lady," Kel said as nicely as possible. 

"Don't you dare touch that Francine," another snotty voice ordered, "You might be infected with her freakishness. She's the '_girl_' squire," she spat in a condescending voice as if speaking about Kel were a curse, "the one who frips about with all those males."

Kel looked at the two girls whom could only be Francine's friends. All of them were frilled and ruffled to the max. Anymore would have drowned them. 

"Yeah not to mention she participates in barbarian customs," the other one piped up to add her two coppers in. 

Francine stuck her nose up and brushed past Kel, "You're right. Come along Madaline and Maree we needn't waste our time anymore on this slut." 

Kel just watched them with a passive look on her face as they turned the corner and flounced away. Inside she was boiling with anger. '_Why can't people just accept me for_ _who I am_,' she thought angrily, balling the scarf up in her fist, '_Just for once why can't_ _they be fa-_' 

Kel stopped that train of thought. Life wasn't fair and if she couldn't deal with that she shouldn't have become a squire. Still, their words had hurt.

"Looks like that dog of yours is going to get a new scarf," a dry voice commented from behind her. 

Kel spun around and found herself facing Joren. 

"What do you want?" she asked him in a wary voice.

He merely raised a brow and she wanted to squirm under the gaze he was giving her. 

When she got no answer she walked past him heading, well, she didn't know where until she found herself in the doorway to an indoor practice court.

"You can't be seriously thinking of practicing?" his voice came from behind her. Kel, not knowing he'd followed her, grit her teeth and took a step into the room not deigning him with a reply. Truthfully she really hadn't been thinking of practicing she'd just wanted to go someplace where no one could find her but that plan didn't seem to be panning out. She was afraid she'd end up snapping at him as he was telling her what she should and shouldn't be doing. Kel was getting rather tired of people telling her how she should be acting and what she should be doing.

"Aren't people going to miss you at you're lovely celebration?" he asked with a hint of a sneer.

She ignored him with a sigh and walked to the center of the room trying to clear her mind and forget that Joren was there, hoping he would go away when she didn't respond to his bait. 

Unfortunately he strode past her and pulled his sword, "Guard," he said softly, fixing his cold blue eyes on her hazel ones.

Kel automatically drew her sword and blocked his down sweep just in time. She barely had time to block his next three attacks, much less get over her astonishment of his challenge. 

'_Is he crazy_?!' she thought to herself spinning away from a stomach shot. She grinned, a genuine grin then at the thought, '_of course he is. I should know that by now_.' 

"Quit grinning like a cat, Mindelan. All you've been doing is blocking," he taunted her. 

Eventually her body took over and she managed to get in some attacks. After his original insult failed to get her riled up, they continued on in silence, the only sound coming from the soft sweep of their boots and the ping of the swords. 

The body can only do so much though. As Kel parried and guarded Joren's strikes, she felt the rest of the tension leave her body taking her momentum with it. Unfortunately her body didn't have any energy to use after that. During the banquet Kel had moved the food around on her plate only taking a few bites. She hadn't had the will to eat and combining that with her lack of sleep from the day before and the dreams that interrupted her normal rest, her exhausted body could take no more. Kel swung her sword in a downward cut towards his shoulder when she felt her step falter. Dizziness over took her and her knees gave out as she fell to the floor her sword clattering from her hand.

"Mindelan! What in the black god's name are you doing? You almost impaled yourself on my sword!" he yelled at her. 

Kel just shook her head, having no energy to speak. She felt herself pulled up gruffly, "Mindelan! Answer me," Joren demanded. She looked up into his ice eyes expecting to see anger, but what she saw confused her. There was an overwhelming amount of anger blazing in his eyes but it was an anger born of fear. 


	6. Bodily help from an unlikely body

**Trying Times**

**Chapter 6**

**By: Carina**

**A/N: You all thought I'd given up! But I haven't! Sorry it's taken so long for this to get out. I also apologize for the rustiness of the chapter but it'll take me a couple chapters to get the momentum built up again. Thanks for your patience.**

**A/N: Alright guys sorry! I've replaced this chapter because I didn't realize I'd spelled Mindelan wrong. I'm so sorry about the mistake because I know it annoys the HELL out of me when people misspell characters names. I'll try to review as soon as possible but as I said I'm trying to get back into the grove of the story so it's a bit awkward at the moment. So without further ado…the story!**

Kel's legs began to give out on her again. She tried to form a coherent sentence but her chapped lips only emitted a groan before her vision started to grow dark.

She willed herself not to pass out but her body just wasn't listening.

"Oh no you don't, Mindelan," she heard a voice outside of her say just as she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist.

"Come on, tough it out! You're not weak!" the voice spoke with a bit of anger or perhaps worry.

Suddenly her eyes which had fallen closed fluttered open at the brisk stinging sensations on her cheeks. It took her a moment but she finally focused on Joren's ice blue eyes.

"Much better," he told her with a smirk, a shock of blonde hair fell into his eyes.

A blush began to color her cheeks as she started to feel embarrassed about the situation she was in.

_You're weak! _

_You've failed!_

_Just quit!_

Every taunt she'd ever heard began to attack her self esteem.

"Thanks," she muttered, "I'll go-" but even as she tried to regain her balance and take a step away her legs crumpled again.

"Stop it, Mindelan. You're weak. C'mon. Let's go," Joren told her blatantly as he pulled her arm around his shoulder holding on to her wrist with one hand.

Kel started to protest as he began to help her walk but her step faltered and she almost took them both down.

"Easy does it, Mindelan," Joren told her as he practically dragged her out into the corridor.

"I feel like a drunk," Keladry mumbled, too tired to censor her thoughts from coming out her mouth.

Had she the energy she would have been startled at the rumbling laugh that came out of the stony blonde beside her.

"It seems you're not quite the boring clod I thought you were," he began as they half stumbled half walked down a spiral set of stairs, "Though all this grandeur is a bit much to make you pass as a normal human being."

Kel just grunted. She was blank. All her energy was finally expended. She didn't even have the ability to berate herself for her current state.

She must have blanked out for a moment because the next thing she knew she was being deposited in a sturdy chair with arms. Grateful, she sagged against the back of the seat exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally.

"Wait here," came the command followed by the sound of a door shutting.

_As if I could move,_ she thought wryly.

Again some time passed in which she fell into a light doze.

She opened her eyes when she felt herself being gently shaken awake.

"Eat," again a cold command.

Slowly she shifted into a better sitting position and focused on the space in front of her. She watched as Joren slid into the seat across from her, across a small table that separated them, across the small table that was piled with a variety of foods.

"Start with the soup first," he told her as he himself plucked a grape from the bunch in a fruit bowl, "And go slow. You don't want to throw it up," he finished, popping the grape into his mouth and chewing it.

Kel stared blankly at all the cutlery and various food items laid out on the table, unable to find words to voice her thoughts, not that she had a coherent one at the moment.

When she made no movement towards her soup bowl Joren paused in his own meal and cocked an eyebrow at her, "Well?"

She glanced at him and slowly slid the bowl towards herself and then even slower took the spoon and led some beef broth to her mouth.

Flavor exploded in her mouth. Her body welcomed the nourishment as the warm liquid flowed over her tongue and down her throat, warming her insides and jump starting her brain, revitalizing her cells.

After a few moments of spooning liquid into her mouth she was startled to find that her soup bowl was almost empty.

As her body began to replenish her energy she felt her embarrassment rising again. With her cheeks coloring Kel brought her hazel gaze up to meet that of the ice blue one across the way.

"Well," Kel stated, a hesitant smile playing upon her lips, "I don't think it's poisoned."

He smirked and he made a sound that was suspiciously like a laugh.

"Eat some more, Mindelan."

As Keladry ate her body started to wake up only to realize that it was very tired.

When she had eaten her fill but continued to pick at the food placed before her Joren broke the silence once again.

"Time for sleep, Mindelan."

Kel nodded wearily and forced herself to a standing position then headed for the door.

"Don't bother. You'll sleep here tonight."

She whirled around to face him, almost losing her balance. Her gaze darted around the room, falling upon the typical squire rooms, and most importantly the bed tucked in the corner.

"We're in your quarters," she told him with suspicion lacing her statement.

She was rewarded with an eye roll right before he stalked over to her and grabbed her wrist, dragging her towards his bed.

"As much as I love to hear your statements of the obvious," he shoved her onto the bed,

"I have things I need to do," he told her as he yanked off her boots.

"So go to sleep and don't question me," he finished.

Just as she was about to protest he tossed an extra blanket on her. As she fought her way out of the blanket she heard him extinguish most of the lanterns and then calmly walk out of his room, locking the door behind him.

_Stop fighting,_ her body told her. And for once Keladry took it's advice.

She wrapped the blanket around herself and before her head even hit the pillow she was out like the lights Joren had extinguished.


	7. The morning after

**Trying Times **

**Chapter 6**

**Author's Note: Hey guys. I know it's been awhile and I know this chapter is short but I felt that a short chapter was better than no chapter at all. I'm a bit sick so my editing might be a little off. I apologize for that as well. I'm trying to get back on track with my old stories and I haven't been able to find my Tortall books so I can't get a real feel for the characters. Well I do hope you enjoy.**

The next day found Keladry rolling over in bed, barely conscious and trying to get away from the warmth striking her face. Succeeding she snuggled back in the covers and fell back to sleep.

Half a candle mark later the warmth was beating down on her face again. Scrunching her face up (in that half awake-half asleep state one always finds itself as the waking world tries to pull the body from dreams into reality) and rolled over. This time there was no relief though and eventually her eye lids fluttered open.

_Hmm…that's what woke me up, _she thought blinking in the sunlight that filtered through her window.

Kel still felt the pull of sleep, and like a cat she stretched her arms above her head and closed her eyes again.

_Her window!_ Kel shot up her eyes opening wide in shock, _the sun never hits me! My window only opens to the north!_

Kel's heart rate started to pound in her ears…no that was the bells….she counted the rings.

Four rings past the noon hour! She'd greatly overslept!

She'd overslept in a strange room!

Kel swung her legs over the side of the bed and her face went pale as the events from the night before played out in her mind.

Kel put her elbows on her knees and dropped her head in her hands.

Not only had she over slept in a strange room, she'd slept in Joren's room, in _Joren's_ bed!

Kel needed to get out of there.

Taking a few deep breaths she reached for her boots and put them on with shaking hands. They were shaking so bad that she couldn't tie her laces so she sufficed for pulling them tight and lurching to her feet.

Quickly she stood, ignoring the dizzy feeling she got from standing so fast, and crossed the room to Joren's door.

Just as her hand was poised to turn the handle she froze.

She had to be smart about this. She couldn't very well go waltzing out of Joren's room. Someone might be out there. She had to get a hold on herself. She couldn't continue to function in this discombobulated state of mind and body.

Kel leaned her forehead against the cool wood of the door, her hand resting lightly on the door handle. Slowly she brought her breathing under control until she was taking even breaths in and out.

_Innn…_

_Out…._

_Innn…_

_Out…._

_Inn._

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

Having composed herself she cracked the door open and listened. The hall was empty.

_It's now or never,_ she told herself.

Taking a deep breath she opened the door and quickly stepped out pulling the door quietly shut behind her. Kel then took off at an even pace down the hall, not once looking back. She didn't relax until she had reached her quarters and was safely inside with her door locked behind her. Sinking down into her overstuffed arm chair she let out a sigh that was followed by a giddy giggle.

_I made it! Safe and sound!_

Kel's giggle turned into a chuckle. She was lucky. So many things could have gone wrong with what she'd allowed Joren to do that she couldn't bear to think of them. So she laughed.

Oh sure things could still go wrong. Joren could black mail her, Raoul could question her whereabouts, a servant could have been hiding in the shadows and seen her, and someone could have heard her and Joren talking in his room last night with the door closed. But Kel chose not to worry about the what-ifs of the ordeal. Surely it was a fluke. She had not been in her right mind and Joren had finally had an attack of conscience that made him want to act like a human being. It would never happen again.

Keladry was startled out of her laughing by a knock on the door.

She got to her feet and headed to the door as a voice called, "Kel? Are you in there?"

Kel pulled her door open to a serious looking Neal.

Immediately worried by the joker's serious look she frowned and asked, "Neal? Is something wrong?"

Neal sighed and raked his hand back through his hair, "Kel, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked lifting his brown eyes to meet hers before quickly dropping them to his toes.

Kel, puzzled by his actions, pulled the door open wider and motioned him in, "Of course you can."

Neal stepped in and paced a bit while Kel shut the door most of the way. She was about to break the silence when Neal did it for her.

"Kel…I've been a horrible friend. I'm so sorry," he told her looking much the chagrined boy.

"Can you ever forgive me for my behavior?" he implored bringing his haunted gaze to meet hers. It was obvious Neal was very worried about the situation.

"Oh Neal, there's nothing to forgive," she told him kindly opening her arms so that he could smother her in a crushing embrace.

"No Kel, you're wrong," he murmured into her hair as he hugged her, "I claim to be not like the other nobles with their ignorant ways and what do I do? I go and try to put you down for your convictions. It is not that I do not respect the Yamani codes, I just didn't want to see you suffer. I hated that you had to go through these horrible times alone. I didn't know how to handle the tragedy. I'm so sorry I left you to fend for yourself," he told her softly giving her another squeeze.

His speech had them both a bit misty eyed she saw as he stepped back an arms length still holding on to her.

Kel sniffed and smiled at him, "Alright Neal, I forgive you. Besides this has been hard on all of Tortal. These aren't easy times for us mere mortals," she told him with a chuckle, "And you're a silly git for thinking you could get rid of me that easily."

Neal laughed and gave her a brotherly kiss on the forehead relieved that their friendship had been repaired.

"Well what do you say to an early supper followed by a rousing game of chess?" he asked, "The boys are missing you and I'm certain they want to offer up their own apologies as we've all been feeling a bit guilty," he confided with a slight blush.

Kel laughed, "Well with an offer like that there's no way I can refuse. You just let me go soak in the baths and change and I'll meet you and the rest of the group in the mess hall in about an hour."

Neal grinned at Kel, ruffled her hair, and walked out the door calling over his shoulder, "You best be there or we'll come looking for you! And you'll be in for it if we have to!"

Kel chuckled as she gathered her coin for the bath payment and put together a parcel of clothes to take with her. It seemed things were getting back on track. Though her soul still hurt, the pain was not unbearable as it had been at first.

_I will make it through this. I will._


End file.
